I can’t tell you how many times I have heard the hackneyed phrase “nice guys finish last” in the past week or so. As it happens I know firsthand that there is absolutely no truth to that adage (if you can call it that). This is because quite a few of my friends are married to nice guys. I’ve seen them in action as amazing partners and fathers and I have to say that a lot of the dudes calling themselves “nice guys” really aren’t worthy of the title.
Real nice guys don’t have a sense of entitlement. My major issue with “nice guys finish last” is that the guys who parrot this phrase feel cheated in some way by women in general. Truly nice guys don’t expect women to date them for no good reason. In fact, a real nice guy realizes he is a decent type of person and therefore has a lot to offer in a relationship. So-called “nice guys” never even consider that they might not be date material, yet.
Real nice guys don’t just don’t just talk or think about themselves. Another hallmark of the so-called “nice guy” is that he’s pretty enamored of himself. Not like the classic “I can’t pass a mirror without fixing my hair” sense but in that he hasn’t quite learned that other people matter. The true nice guy is interested in other people and might even ask leading questions so the conversation isn’t all about him.
Real nice guys don’t see dating as a status symbol. A girlfriend or a wife isn’t an expensive accessory. She’s a human being with her own thoughts, beliefs and desires which is what truly nice guys understand. In fact, real nice guys just want to make her happy. (And she wants to see him happy because he’s worth the extra effort!)
Real nice guys may get rejected or be hurt by a romantic interest but they don’t let it keep them down. They especially don’t broadcast that hurt and attempt to make her feel guilty. In fact, attempting to put a romantic interest on a scenic guilt trip is the opposite of nice. (They do not call her on the eve of her wedding to another guy to ask for an apology.) The real nice guys give themselves time to deal with the hurt and then move on.
Real nice guys don’t let themselves be exploited. They have the self-awareness to know when a woman isn’t interested. They don’t hang around doing various chores for her or even drive her to a date with another man in the hopes she eventually comes around. These guys have enough self respect and hope to know that there could be an even better woman waiting for them around the corner.
Real nice guys don’t expect a woman who is a “10” to date a guy who is a “6.” (Seriously.) While, real nice guys like a pretty girl, they have realistic expectations. The real ones are willing to give Jane Doe a chance even if they admire Adriana Lima. (Who doesn’t, really?) And they realize that sometimes you can come to find someone quite beautiful after getting to know her.
So, my friends, nice guys are resilient, truly kind, and strong but they certainly do not “finish last.” (They also don’t have to tell anyone that they are “nice” because you just know it.) Simply by being who they are, they take the gold.