How do you date when marriages are crumbling around you?

This is something I’ve probably mentioned before: I’m a sensitive person. And being the longest-running singleton in my group of friends, I tend to be the one who girls seek out after a breakup or a divorce because I’ve got this single thing down. I know the ropes. They often hope to learn something from that experience.

It is really lovely to be a stable influence for these ladies, someone they can count on to listen without being judge-y. To impart what I’ve learned regarding budgeting and weird things like cleaning furnace filters or cooking for one on a tight budget.

But there is a huge downside: It is so difficult not to see all men through the lens of what these women have experienced. The abuse (emotional and physical) and the rampant anger issues are extremely challenging to move past. Even for a sensitive person who wasn’t even married to the guy.

The longer I’m single (and listen to these issues) the more bleak the dating world seems. I know what I would be going into a relationship with but it’s so difficult to really know for certain what I’d be getting in return. Even a background check can’t tell you if this person gets irrationally angry or he doesn’t really believe in submitting himself to God. You kind of have to take your chances until that “best behavior” phase wears off. It’s scary stuff!

And that that point I have to ask myself: Am I blocking myself from perfectly decent men out of fear? (Fear of ending up divorced and miserable?) Or am I really where God wants me to be?

It’s definitely worth more consideration on my part!

Do you feel like you’re affected by the failed marriages around you?





2 thoughts on “How do you date when marriages are crumbling around you?

  1. Yep, I totally agree with everything you have said. I have had a lot of marriages around me end in the last few years…and I see the pain and heartache that my friends go through as a result. I think it’s definitely something that affects my judgement. My most recent friend had their partner leave because they ‘wanted to be free of marriage and do things on their own’ !! It does worry me that we don’t actually have any control over whether the person we marry stays with us or not, regardless of how committed we may be…and that frightens me.

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