A fear of jerks

One of my best friends in the world is married to a jerk. This isn’t a word I throw around lightly so know that it aptly describes a man who has no business being married to anyone.

This particular guy knows how to make my friend feel like she’s worthless on a regular basis and takes great pains to make sure she sees her family and friends as little as humanly possible. He’s gone so far as to deliberately pick fights before family holidays so she becomes upset to the point that she doesn’t end up going.

To my knowledge he’s never harmed her physically (thank God!) but he’s done heaps of emotional damage to not only my friend but also the people who love her. And he’s just a jerk. Plain and simple. He puts on a smile for everyone else to make sure they like him but it’s not genuine. He still thinks he’s better than everyone else.

These jerks gravitate toward nice girls, too. Even they know a good thing when they see it. Jerks tend to be more forceful, pursuing these nice girls with a mixture of subversive, underhanded slights and grand gestures of devotion. He’ll insult her love of flower arranging while sending her two dozen of her favorite color roses. He’ll tell her she has a much too close relationship with her family while sweeping her away to spend Christmas with his.

And, unfortunately, despite the jabs, jerks seem to have a gravitational pull all their own. They draw in these nice girls who see the jabs and the gifts and want to see the best in people. These guys are strong, forceful and a pseudo-version of what most of us perceive as classic masculinity. It’s attractive. So, the girls choose to ignore the jabs and insults until they’re in too deep to dig their way out.

The possibility of ending up with a guy like that scares the heck out of me. I would much rather be single than end up with a jerk.

Yeah, now that I know what I’m looking for that possibility is slim but it’s still a concern. There are a lot of guys out there masquerading as decent people until they get what they want (the girl). And I’ve seen the terrible toll it took on my friend’s emotional and mental health as well as her self-esteem. It’s been pretty disastrous.

So, my dear readers, do not walk but run away from the jerks, OK?


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