What’s with Christian young men these days?


The verse is hammered into our heads when we’re old enough to date: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers…” There are pretty much a slew of verses in the Bible that mean the same thing but 2 Corinthians 6:14 seems to be the most commonly quoted.

The concept is simple: If faith is important to a person’s life, he/she should marry someone with the same level of devotion. It makes a lot of sense, really. Kind of like if I were a die-hard Star Wars fan (just for the record: I’m not), only another die-hard fan would understand.  It’s the same reason why people sometimes marry someone in their career field or running club. They have similar experiences and can relate to each other.

Yet I see so many of my young, single friends being courted by guys who aren’t Christian. (One couple is actually getting married later this year.) The underlying issue that I’ve observed seems to be that the guys at church aren’t giving them the time of day.

That set me to wondering: What’s with Christian young men these days?

For one thing I guess it is difficult to look at someone you’ve grown up with as dating material. Every time the guys at church look at my friend’s daughter they could be recalling her mischievous pranks as a teen on missions trips. But who better to date than someone who has shared a similar upbringing and life goals?

I also get the impression that some Christian young men are just kind of stuck. They don’t really want to pursue someone suitable because they’re not thinking marriage quite yet. There also seems to be a trend (in my church at least) of young men who don’t really have a direction in life career-wise. Like they don’t really want to grow up.

Then you look at my single, female friends who are all on career tracks to do some amazing things. That would intimidate a young guy who is still rooming with four of his best friends in a rented house while he waits tables. While the girls are studying and putting in countless hours of medical residencies, these dudes are practicing with a band and playing Halo. It’s another mismatched issue. Who really wants to date a guy who’d rather pretend he was still a teenager?

So, that seems to be why my single, Christian friends are dating guys who don’t see Jesus as an important aspect in their lives. And then often getting dumped by these guys who don’t understand their value systems. It’s perplexing to say the least.

Have you noticed a similar trend in your church community?


8 thoughts on “What’s with Christian young men these days?

  1. And I often think that if you’re seen casually going out for coffee with someone, everyone at church assumes you will get married! There doesn’t seem to just be a ‘let’s date to find out more’ culture. I do think it’s important to date with intention, but those initial stages are just about finding out if you could be a good match.

  2. There hasn’t been a huge incentive for personal responsibility or growing up among this generation. I think parents haven’t pushed the young men as hard, and they (we) lack ambition as a result. We think the power of our dreams is going to override laziness. Church tends not to draw/reward/foster genuine manliness. Let’s face it…the faith has become a woman’s world. (Not overwhelmingly, but by a simple majority.) The incentives and rewards have followed. The ruggedness and mystery of masculinity have dropped off as boys stay with families, help raise siblings, teach children in Sunday school or spend time praying about their feelings. Begging your pardon, these are traditionally womanly activities. Where do men come in…the church landscaping day every spring? Oh wait…the dads already pruned and chopped. You plant petunias.

    I don’t have the solution…just some thoughts on the problem.

  3. Wow I couldn’t agree more, even on the comments in here. I’d refrain from making further comments though, but your point was right on. But God has a time for everything, so be patient and trust in Him! 🙂

  4. First of all, I love your writings! You are wise – and this is, for me, the best compliment I can give for someone.

    So, do you have a recomendation, a step-by-step list, some advice, for us, Christian guys?

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