Will I be single forever?

thinkingjennballOne of the most common questions I’ve run across in the Quora “Being Single” section is some variation of “Will I be single forever?” I wish I could say it wasn’t a question I had had myself. One that I’ve wondered many, many times over the years.

It’s a little heartbreaking that people feel so grieved by singleness that they need to ask for advice on Quora. I get that a lot of the questions on the site can be categorized as venting but there isn’t a singleton that I know who hasn’t agonized over the thought: “Will I ever find the love of my life?”

In her book How to Avoid 10 Mistakes Single Women Make, Michelle McKinney Hammond poses a question of her own: “…if you knew that you were never going to get married, what would you do differently with your life?” The premise of the question is that we should be prepared to deal with whatever God sends our way. Also that we probably wouldn’t change a thing because none of us are waiting around for a man to rescue us.

But the more I think about this question, the more I think: Yeah, there are definitely things I would have done differently. Namely dating guys who were really unsuitable. I wouldn’t have bothered at all had I known it would all come to nothing. In fact, I would have saved myself a lot of wasted hours worrying over selfish men and the money from a couple of online dating site subscriptions.

That means that the majority of my 20’s would have been just a tad less stressful, actually. It could have been a truly blissful time if God had sent me a memo stating “You’ll be perpetually single.”  I could have used all the free time to get more degrees or even just be a good citizen and volunteer more.


Above all, I wouldn’t keep going: “Could he be a good match?” with pretty much any guy that I take a liking to. That’s what actually bugs me the most. The not knowing makes me feel like a crazy person sometimes. It’s like I’m still a little “boy crazy” in my 30’s and is very, very annoying. Knowing would be a blessing!

Of course, had I known, I also might not have bothered with this blog at all. Or maybe it would have taken on a totally different spin.

The fact of the matter is that God doesn’t send memos about one’s marital status or lack thereof. No crystal ball or hopeful mother can tell us, either. We singletons are adrift without a compass and more and more often we find ourselves in uncharted territory: Millennials are facing more years of singleness than any generation before them.

It’s tough but beyond the temporary “freak out” moments we have, I think we can all handle being single and not knowing as long as we continue to move forward. As long as we continue to grow, develop good relationships (with or without romance), and hobbies we enjoy, we will be OK no matter what happens.


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