Too nice?


“You’re too nice and you make me feel guilty.” Those were his exact words when my now ex-boyfriend finally came clean with why he had broken up with me. This was only after he wouldn’t return my phone calls and I confronted him.

This happened a little over a decade ago and I hadn’t thought about it until a friend was recently dumped for being “too nice” as well. I remember being devastated at the time and wondering how in the world I could get past this major personality flaw.

Then I grew up.

While I’m not quite as nice as I was in my late teens (unfortunately), hindsight tells me that accusing someone of being “too nice” is an incredibly immature thing to say. Sort of like when 20-something women go for bad boys instead of someone who would actually want to be in a committed relationship. It’s an immaturity thing and they are more often than not actually afraid of emotional intimacy.

Bad boys disdain emotion because they treat you badly and never apologize. Yet, somehow, that’s attractive. Until you’re sitting at home on a Saturday waiting for him to call (for the 20th time) while you could have been out having fun with your friends. Lesson learned.

As it happens this world needs more nice people who keep their promises, return phone calls and treat others with kindness and respect. We have more than enough of the other kind. It’s just going to take some time to find the right person with the maturity to appreciate kindness instead of being intimidated or bored. And when you find him/her it will be worth the wait. I promise.

So, nice people, take it as a compliment even when you get dumped for being “too nice.” That person doesn’t deserve you, anyway.


2 thoughts on “Too nice?

  1. That’s such a cop-out…maybe one step from ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’
    And there’s no such thing as ‘too nice’. There is such a thing as ‘doormat’. But those are two completely different things that get conflated.

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