Are intelligent women really intimidating?

As a (mostly) intelligent female I felt (mostly) qualified to answer that very question when it was posed to me this week. An acquaintance of mine said that some of her friends felt that she was smart and therefore “intimidating” to guys her age. She wanted to know if it was true.

 To my fellow intelligent ladies, I’ll admit that it can be true. Sometimes. There are always going to be insecure people of both sexes who just won’t enjoy your company simply because you seem “better” than them at something. But these folks aren’t going to be in the majority.

Another issue could be that you just don’t have a lot in common with the guys you meet. Your intellect might mean that you don’t necessarily enjoy the same things the average dude likes. If you’re young (18 to early twenties) that can change once the guys mature a bit.

My other point to make, intelligent ladies, is that you really need to watch how you interact with guys and people in general. Sure, spouting off facts or correcting people might have been cute when you were 10-years-old but it’s not attractive in a grown woman. Guys you’re looking at as potential dates and even your friends will agree on this point.

I’m definitely not saying you should play dumb (never, never, never play dumb!) but I am saying that a dose of humility and consideration for others can go a long way. Maybe don’t correct someone else’s grammar or facts that aren’t necessarily life-threatening mistakes to make. And maybe avoid getting too technical about a subject with people who don’t know you well. (That can definitely be intimidating if they don’t know you’re not trying to show off.)

There is a thin line between being your confident self and sounding like a know-it-all but it’s definitely not an impossible balance. Just watch how people react to you and maybe ask your friends (or brutally honest siblings) to give some input. You’d be amazed how this little tweak in social skills can improve your relationships for the better.

Date on, intelligent ladies!


5 thoughts on “Are intelligent women really intimidating?

  1. A very good friend of mine told me that i will most likely be alone for the rest of my life because i am a confident, intelligent woman in my 40s. Unfortunately, i’m inclined to agree with her! I excel in both my fields of work…which are male dominated. I “played dumb” for 24 years (2 long-term relationships), to placate their egos. I refuse to do this anymore! I shouldnt have to hide who i am.
    Needless to say, i am also very disheartened! I’m 42, my children are grown, and i’ve started the next chapter of my life.
    So…yes, i believe that intelligent women can be intimidating to men, but still hold out hope that there is a man out there that will love and appreciate me, while still being resigned to the fact that men dont bother looking below the surface.

    • Thank you for taking the time to comment! I would wholeheartedly agree that it is disheartening. Sometimes it seems that men are becoming more closed-minded while women become more educated. But I think hope is a good thing. It only takes one man, after all. Best wishes to you 🙂

  2. Hi, if you’re interested in a male perspective on this… Pretty good advice overall. Men don’t mind intelligent women, but as has been suggested, it can come off poorly in the way that you say things. I’ll tell you that a lot of men have their mother’s voice rattling around in their heads, and it might remind them of Mommy’s lecturing and turn them off.

    Also, I would agree with the ‘it only takes one’ sentiment. Having broad appeal is nice, but overrated. Don’t be something you’re not just to cast a wider net. Odds are that many of that broad base will drive you nuts once you get to know them, anyway. So just do your thing and do it well, whether it’s fashion or quantum mechanics. Someone will be attracted to that.

    I really like smart women, but it’s not the high IQ that I’m attracted to – it’s passion, curiosity… things that wouldn’t necessarily show up on a test.

    • Thanks for taking the time to comment! You make some good points that I’m sure will be appreciated by a multitude of women. Your point about passion resonates especially as it is obvious that everyone tends to gravitate toward people who are happy and enjoy what they do.

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