Sometimes I feel like a “training girlfriend”

Yellow brick road 300ppiAfter another former prospective mate thanks me for my insight on things I think that maybe giving up on this date thing sounds like a really good idea. I am, apparently, the “training girlfriend.” It’s me those future girlfriends and wives should thank for whipping these men into shape. I guess.

Two guys over the course of this past month have actually thanked me for things I said or did while we were “talking.” One was amusing but two are a strange coincidence. Or a very telling narrative about my past as a dater.

When I was younger I had begun to notice a trend: While I said I was looking for a mature, independent man, I tended to settle for the guys who were immature and looked up to me more as a big sister than a girlfriend. These were the type of guys who were interested in me and that’s what I thought was a good match. This was a pretty safe arrangement for both of us with little chance of it getting serious. (Did I mention that serious relationships would scare the heck out of me?)

Generally, they were nice and interesting conversationalists. Both were super-intelligent guys with passions for subjects my brain could barely comprehend. Unfortunately, they also tended to be clueless when it came to women. In the “getting to know you” stage of the relationship our conversations would be great until it came to the ridiculous stereotypes they somehow harbored about the opposite sex. And I’m not shy about explaining why they were ridiculous. (In a nice way. I promise.)

I think that sister/brother dynamic made it difficult for them to hear what I was saying. Not to mention that in some ways I couldn’t look at them as anything more than a friend because (even if we were the same age) I felt like an older sister or mentor. But, apparently, what I said eventually sank in several years later. (I only know this because they took the time to contact me to let me know.)

On the one hand, it’s nice to know when something you say changes someone’s perspective. Yet it’s odd to know that I inadvertently helped a guy (that I had dated) make another woman happy. Of course, we obviously weren’t meant to be together and I wish them all the best.

So, to the ladies who are dating them now: You’re welcome! And to everyone else, stay tuned… I might have to open my own “training girlfriend” business as a dating consultant. (I’m kidding. I think.)

Jenn

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