Most of the time I’m pretty much OK with the whole single thing. It certainly isn’t my dream scenario but there are things I like about the singleton lifestyle. However, the only time I’m really upset about being single is during “that time of the month.” When “Aunt Irma” is visiting. It’s when I’m curled up on the couch in my fuzzy pajamas eating my ration of brownies and watching a marathon of the sappiest chick flicks in my collection (often sighing over Dermot Mulroney or Colin Firth) that that tissues come out.
Even though it’s pretty obvious this sudden unhappiness is hormonal, I still have a good cry having convinced myself that I’ll die alone and unloved (and be eaten by an Alsatian… see Bridget Jones’ Diary). Afterward I generally feel better (if not a little silly) and go on with my life until it creeps up again next time.
Yet, sometimes I think that little breakdown is more than mere hormones. As Christian women we’re brought up to believe that we’re supposed to get married and have a family of our own. We often dream about it, expect it and plan our ideal weddings (thanks to Pinterest this is a little too easy, now). But no one ever seems to prepare us for the fact that some of us simply won’t have that experience or how to deal with it no matter how much we desire a husband and children.
Proverbs 3:5-6 is often quoted to me and it says “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.” And as many times as I repeat that to myself, there are still going to be times when I’m just not so satisfied with my path in life. (“Doomed to wander the planet alone forever“) It’s a very human response and while some might call it weak faith, I think it can be a good thing. It’s only when I allow myself to mourn the loss of this dream I had for myself that I realize my choice all over again to trust God and whatever His plans for me dictate. In acknowledging loss, I realize what I have gained in its place.
“More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ.” Phil 3:8